A snowy, cozy day for me

I had big plans for today. A to do list as long as my arm. And now as I hear the quiet of the snow around my house I change my mind. Today, today I will curl up on my couch with a quilt and my crocheting. I will sip peppermint tea as I quietly listen to the stillness. This might be an old John Wayne day (from the '30's). It has been a wonderful Christmas holiday, but I haven't yet taken a day to just relax and enjoy. Our days have been filled with family and errands and service. Wonderful things for a day to be filled with. Today, though, needs to be a different kind of day. A day of pondering and stillness. Oh, I'll still get things done, but I'm not going to rush about today. Some might call it a lazy day, but I call it a thinking day.

(In the middle of writing those beautiful plans for my day, my tea boiled over, I found a rotten bunch of bananas we forgot to take with us on holiday, and I found something sticky on the pan I know I washed before we left. Ha, ha.... Humor and Irony make the world go round.)

White Christmas

We were a little disappointed when we drove into Denver a few days before Christmas and there was NO SNOW. We thought we had left that behind us. Both the Dude and I grew up in snowy climates and we wanted a white Christmas. Plus Suburbia painted in brown is not a pretty sight. Then a day or two before Christmas it started to snow. A nice fluffy layer covered the earth. Ah, all was right. It was a beautiful Christmas, with everyone in the Dude's immediate family gathered to play games, take pictures of all the grandkids, talk, talk smack, and of course eat. There were only two things that marred the perfection of the time. My mother in law was upstairs in bed sick, and the grandparents couldn't make it over. They were all missed greatly.

Now, today the day after Christmas, we were planning on going and seeing the cabin they are building, but what happens again? Mom is still a little sick (sick enough to need to be hear home) and it's snowing. Ah, well. We can't have it all. Instead we are going to go to Sam's and get our exercise walking around there. Heh, heh. The sidewalks are too slippery right now to walk around here, so we're off to the concrete jungle-gym of the middle classes. And today I am grateful for that chance.

I hope, my dear reader, that you have had a wonderful Christmas, and that you were able to witness your own Christmas miracles. Our week has been full of them, but they are to special to share with the internets. What a beautiful time of year, when we can see the goodness of mankind shine through the rough edges. How grateful I am for the birth of the Savior, and how grateful I am that in our imperfections we still try to celebrate that and serve those around us.

There's something about books and other thoughts

There is something about books that is calming to me. After a day of trying to get very excited students to concentrate on one thing and sit still, an unnatural act even for me, I run away to hide in the library. Today when I walked in the book fair was set up. Even though I can't buy all the books, and don't really want to buy any of them, it was still instantly calming. Like a breath of fresh air.

Speaking of fresh air, I was reading a book called "It's Snowing!" to the first graders today (a very calming, well written book) and at one part it says, "'Baby, smell the snow!' Baby breathes deeply." We all breathed in deeply, and my room did not smell like freshly falling snow. What a disappointment.

The other day I spelled magic with a "j". A small example of how the rest of the day went.

Today I commented on a student's artwork, "Sally, that picture is really fun!"
Sally's response, "I know."

A conversation I over heard, "This Tucan..." (Student 1)
"What's a Tucan?" said Student 2.
"It's a kind of bird." (S1)
"I know." (S2)
"Then why did you ask me?" (S1)
"I just wanted to see if you knew what it was." (S2)

These are all bits and pieces of my day that I wanted to share with you. Now it's time to do what I've been avoiding by writing this wonderful post.... Homework.

Again with the black clothes

I was doing laundry this weekend and needed to do a load of very, very dark clothes because I have some black jeans that are still in the bleeding stages. I thought, "Eh, this will be a small load. Kind of a waste, but oh, well. I don't want my other clothes to suddenly develop this strange gray haze to them." So I started separating my clothes. When all my black clothes were in the washer I peeked in just to see how small the load was. Yikes! I had a full load of all black clothes (except for 2 renegade pieces of navy blue clothing).

I think I have a lot of black in my wardrobe.... I've been trying to wear more colors lately, really I have!

The flip side

So the dude and I were discussing possible meanings for the phrase, "See you on the flip side," this morning. He claims he's never heard it before. Ironically it turned into a real life situation during my day today. No, I didn't flip over in a boat or anything drastic like that. It was much more subtle but still an important lesson.

Let me start out by saying that I have a headache. A stress headache. Brought on by--stress and a lack of belief in myself and the skills and talents I have been blessed with. I walked into my classroom today to find the temperature at 59 degrees. It only got colder from there until our wonderful custodian fixed whatever was causing the problem. The man is a saint! Needless to say I had all my morning classes in their rooms not mine. Not terribly stressful. As soon as the last morning class ended, though, things went downhill. I ran out of q-tips for the kindergartners to paint with. I couldn't find their color wheels from before, so we had to start all over. I was observed by my mentor, and got almost nothing but negative comments back. In reality I do believe the lesson went well, but I'm still trying to figure that out. ANYWAY, as we sat down to talk about it, and the negative waves started to roll the headache waves started as well. I was barely able to have enough time to set everything up. Commence the growing of the headache. And the feelings of failure.

Then my day flipped, when I read a couple of emails from one of my mothers-in-law (both belong to the Dude, don't worry) that she had sent me a couple of days ago. I hadn't had a chance to read them until then, and I'm kind of glad I didn't. Each of them contained a message that I needed to hear about enjoying life and being thankful for what we have, and the pointlessness of complaining. I still had a headache, but I no longer wanted to quit and I chose to actually look forward to the rest of my day with excitement rather than dread.

Thank you, Mum, for the flipping.

Thoughts from a few days ago

So today during a 6th grade class I mentioned The Dude.

Mrs. The Dude: so my husband blah blah blah (I can't remember what I said exactly)
6th Grader: Woa! You're married?!
Mrs. The Dude: yep. (Thinking, do you not see my wedding ring projected on to the screen larger than life almost at this exact moment? I love document cameras!)
6th Grader: you don't look old enough to be married! (Bless you, you obnoxious child you. I guess I'll forgive you for singing songs about poo out loud in my class). How old are you?
Mrs. The Dude with a wiley grin replies: Oh, I'm young!

Ha! That even tops the time we were in Seattle when I got carded, and The Dude didn't . He, he!

Falling in love with PBS again

(One of my pictures. Not as good as the Dude's)

In this busy, crazy life of mine, it is a relief to sit down and watch a documentary on PBS. It's like yoga for my brain. The mellow voices. The long camera shots. The beautiful history. Such a relief from modern, jerky, witty, speedy, extreme TV. It inspires me to look into history, to start reading good, rich literature again. It reminds me of the richness possible when we take time to enjoy the world around us, to study it, to fight for it. At this moment, I am laying down on my couch, looking at my beautiful story-filled piano, listening to words that inspire me.

We live on such a beautiful earth. What am I doing to improve it, to document it?

Tonight I pick up my Wallace Stegner again, hoping for dreams about the land.

Not part of the previous letter, hence a seperate post

(or was it just because I forgot to add this part, and was too lazy to go back)

I fake screamed no less than 3 times today because I am reaching the end of being nice and patient about my room not being done. We are a month into school people! Can't you hurry up and finish already!?!?!

Sigh. I guess I need to rearrange my priorities. It must not be important for a teacher to have a classroom to teach in and be organized in. Silly me.

Dear Writers of Educational Textbooks,

I realize that the "trend" in education now is for everything to be research based. I whole heartedly support that. Go for it. But is it really necessary to list every single researched source in the middle of your thought. I find your thoughts hard enough to understand what with your posturing vocabulary and your abundance of acronyms, and then you break it up with a set of parenthesis with strange names and dates sandwiched in between. My brain is tired enough from trying to keep up with differentiated instruction and classroom management techniques during the day to try and really understand your over abundance of references in the evening.

And while I'm on the complaining train, what's with telling me "In chapter 3 you will learn about (insert something mildly interesting here).....In chapter 5 you will learn about...." ETC, ETC, ETC! Just teach me in Chapter 1 what you want to teach me in chapter 1. Wait until chapter 3 to talk about chapter 3, and please, PLEASE leave chapter 5 in it's place. Don't waste my time and yours by adding all these hints of what is to come.

Sincerely yours,
A surprisingly informed reader

More

1st Graders: Are you married?
Mrs. The Dude: Yes, I am.
1st Graders: Do you have children?
Mrs. The Dude: No, not yet.
1st Graders: You should have children

Sigh. From your mouth to God's ears, my darling children. I know He is listening to our prayers, and I know we will have children some day. I'm just getting a little (O.K. A LOT) impatient to know when exactly those sweet spirits will join us.

Today with the 6th grade class we discussed the Mr. Bean episode where he uses dynamite to paint his room. The silhouette of the person left was what started the discussion.

And the best thing that happened today? The Dude decided to cut out a time sucker that he's been involved in lately. Hurray for him, and hurray for us being able to spend time together without him having to check his email every 5 seconds!

Recent converstaions

Mrs. The Dude: Why is it important that we clean up our mess?
Kindergartner: Because Jesus wants us to keep the earth clean.

Mrs. The Dude: What is different about drawing this way? (blind contour)
5th Grader: I don't have to care if it looks weird. It's fun when it looks weird!
(There was much giggling as we looked at our blind contour drawings of the person across from us.)

This is why I teach.

As I Promised

(The Dude took this picture, just had to show his skills off a little:)


Like I promised, I am writing in spite of being back in the swing of things at school. I started teaching this week, and so far it's been a mixed bag. The 1st grade class was VERY wiggly. The room was hot, hot, HOT. And to top that off, during the lesson, one of the kids took off his shoe and said semi-frantically, "There's a spider in my shoe!!!" Anyone who has ever worked with kids that age knows, I lost. That was the end of any sort of semblance of order that hadn't been destroyed by the heat in the room already. 1st graders=1pt. Art Teacher=0pts. I should have just declared a spontaneous recess. But, no! I decided to keep going.... Stupid, stupid, stupid....

It ended up O.K. and not a total loss, because I felt like I needed to try my hand at story telling. I told. They drew. I reached into my bag of tricks given to me by my genetics, and started a new saga in the Mr. Bear story. Thank you, Dad! It was a little shaky, but if I keep working on my storytelling skills, and work out some story lines ahead of time, maybe it will go over. Maybe. I think next week, Mr. Bear and his friends (I had to make up some new ones, Dad, I couldn't remember yours and I figured I'd leave the witch out until Halloween,and even then I'll have to be careful, because we live in a sad, sad world that doesn't take things lightly) ANYway Mr. Bear and his friends are going to meet an artist wandering the forest. Maybe Kandinsky, maybe Klee, maybe Sol Lewitt. Nah, they wouldn't get him. Sol is a might bit over their heads right now. They might try and give each other instructions to create artwork on the wall with. Don't get me wrong. I absolutely adore Sol Lewitt's artwork. I just don't think 1st graders would fully appreciate Mr. Bear meeting good ol' Sol in the forest. To bad Mr. Bear isn't carnivorous, then he could meet J.K. You know who I mean, Marge. I just don't want my blog in anyway attached to his name. Yuck.

Maybe I should draw some pictures too.... Wow. Yeah, that would be a good thing. Am I going to be able to do it? Oh, I hope so, because that would be so cool. That is if it turns out as cool as it is in my head. Hmm... Maybe I should get to work.

See you all in the forest! (Maybe, I'll hide Sol in the trees)

Dear Monkey on my back,

Consider yourself evicted, Dear Monkey. I am done with you. It has taken a long a gruling process to get us to this point, but the time has finally come for you to leave now. Please don't ever come back.
Love,
One who is finally done with her project.

End in sight, really?!?

I have reached the point in my long list of homework to complete that I might actually be able to finish.

Then you won't have to read boring emails about me not wanting to do homework.

I'm not sure what I'll write about, though.

We'll all just have to wait and see won't we.

I just want a clean house!

All week long (last week, as this week is only a day or two old depending on your view point) I found myself fuzzy headed. I even blogged about it. I couldn't concentrate on homework, and I felt like I wasted a lot of time doing nothing. What I really wanted to do was clean my house, but I knew that homework needed to get done. I kept putting off cleaning, and I kept being to fuzzy headed for homework. I found the solution on Saturday when I'd had enough of the house and went on a cleaning frenzie. Besides my bad attitude about doing homework in what is supposed to be my summer vacation (Dear Self, get over it. You aren't 10 any more. There's no real summer vacation. At least not until after the Masters, and even then I'm sure something else will pop up--please not the PhD yet!!!!!!!!!) my fuzzy head was caused by the absolute chaos in my home that I had been putting off taking care of until I could get my homework done! Oh, the irony!!!! (I am feeling very exclamatory tonight!!!!!!!!! So there.)

Isn't it amazing that All I wanted to do this past week was the one thing I've been avoiding for most of my life, but pit it next to homework and I'm a cleaning machine.

I asked my cousin the other day how he got his son excited about doing homework. His reply was that he just sits at his own desk and looks like he's having fun doing his. And of course son wants to do the fun stuff dad is doing. I asked him if he'd come to my house and look like he was having fun doing his homework, so I would do mine. He, he....

Here are the 5 minute vacations I found this weekend:
1. Playing my new piano (thank you, Kristen, from the bottom of my heart!)
2. Listening to the Dude playing the piano.
3. Yoga
4. Looking at beautiful artwork.

By the way the cookies were amazing!

Placing bets

I am not a morning person (yes, I hear your laughter). Most of you already knew that, but I had to say it to bring what I am about to say into context. I am getting to a point though, where I want to be. It helps in my profession to be a morning person. Really, really helps.... The morning is also one of the only times where I can do things and not get side tracked by someone else, whether it's the Dude or a friend, suggesting something much more alluring that whatever it was I was attempting to do at the time. Setting time aside to create art is important in my life. And I have even been known to get up before 4:30 to get the perfect shot of the sunrise or balloons ascending (these I snapped on vacation). Art I have found is the key to getting myself up early. Wave an art project in my face and I will get up earlier than anyone who knows me would ever dream that I could. Art and road trips. I am a sucker for a good road trip. And for me good is made up by the people in the car with me. I even go on a road trip every year for my birthday. And I usually try and include an art project in the festivities.... Hmm... What will I do this year? I've decided to celebrate my birthday for a whole month this year. ANYWAY!

Back to getting up early for art. So I can get up at the most disgusting hours of the morning to GO somewhere for an art project. The problem is rolling out of be to shuffle the room next door that is my studio and attempting to create before my eyes have lost their sleepy reflexes. That's what I struggle with. Especially on those dark winter mornings when my body insists that I am not an evolved, semi-mature, well educated human being, but instead a nice fuzzy, comfortable, sleepy bear that needs to hibernate for the rest of the dark cold winter. It's the sun that turns me into a human being. And that silly sun takes oh, so long to appear in the winter.... mmmm.... sleepy bear....

So! They say (don't ask me who "They" are... they just are and that's all that matters) that it takes 30 days to establish a good habit. It's August now. Who thinks I can convince my body that I'm a morning person before Labor day? Anyone? Well at least the crickets are on my side....

I think that will be my goal for the rest of this year.

Breakfast Cookies?!?

It seems like the season for burnout. Many of my friends, many of the blogs I read....We all seem to be effected by end of summer malaise (is that really spelled correctly?). And evidently I am no different. But my burnout has to do with homework, and since my class ends next week, I really have no time for this! I have so much to get done! There is so much more pressure to get more than acceptable grades in grad school. Whose idea was this anyway?

And what do I do when school--the school that I teach, not take--starts again?! Am I going to be able to make it through the year? Only to be greeted by a summer full of MANY classes.... Will I be able to make it to December 2010?

Any ideas for mini vacations (like 5 minutes) that are totally refreshing?

These cookies might be one. Be prepared, my family, for a test batch of these. The Dude might even like them. As long as I leave the aniseed out. I hear those gasps, oh, family of mine. I would question his judgment like you are doing right now, but he did marry me so he can't be totally tasteless. (Snide remarks to yourself, hmph) Although he also abhors vinegar, and he did like Captain Underpants. Hmmm.... Well, good thing I'm vain enough not to be worried about his choice in spouse.

Also... (drum roll please)
After (cough) ahem, many years.... I will start playing the piano again tomorrow. That is if it makes the move o.k. (Prayers will be appreciated) I also have a piano teacher lined up (thank you, friend K! You rock!) to make me learn the theory this time.

If you are lucky, I might even post a picture of my piano for you. But only if you are lucky :)
(Yes, I did just put an emoticon there, so :P )

Is it just me?

So I've been noticing in my class that I am spacing out often. Is is just me? Do I have those things that buzz around your brain from HP, Luna's friends? Is it me, or are my classes boring? I just hear the teacher from Charlie Brown. I think they need to include more visuals. Pictures... Now that would make things fun. Teachers like to hear themselves talk. I hope I'm not that kind of teacher. I might have to break down and video myself teaching so I can see what it's like to be my student. I hate watching myself! Maybe my students do to:) Things to do, things to do....

I have not forgotten you

Dear follower,
I have not forgotten you. You light up my days. Talking with you is always a marvelous adventure. We enjoy the same quirks in life. Sometimes we even look like each other. Today however when you collapsed with unexplained giggles on my kitchen floor, it reminded me of the joys of growing up together. Long lost friends reunited by the humor of mistaking a teaspoon with a Tablespoon. Well, not really reunited. We have been together often. Our lunches together highlight my week. I hope we may continue that during the ensuing school year (can you see the panic in my eyes? Not over lunch you silly...)

And so it is, dear follower, I am back. (Well, after I finish Our Mutual favorite book) I hope to continue to be here for a while longer. Perhaps I will even have something clever to say. Or my children will and I will share it with you. Because you, too, will find them wise and clever and slightly humorous.

In Memorium

R.I.P. Fish
October-ish 2006-February 7, 2009

Our Beloved pet and conversation companion has taken its final earthly swim to the big fish bowl in the heavens. The Dude is in mourning. In lieu of flowers, please never ever give us a fish again.

Welcome back sun!

What do you know, the sun did come up! I woke up the next morning with a swollen left cheek feeling like the dude and unaccountably socked me just below the eye some time during the night. Thanks to my friend Melissa, I already had a doctor's appointment for the day. I mumbled in sick. (I can't really say it was a call in.) I tried to find a comfortable possition to sleep in while waiting for the dude to come get me for my appointment. (I'm one of those people who is a really bad driver while I'm sick, so thank the dude for keeping me off the road the next time you see him.) And after half heartedly laughing when the nurse asked me how I was doing (What are you supposed to say to that anyway?!?! Yes, I came to the doctor, because I'm perfectly fine, thank you very much) and sitting for miserable minutes on that dumb table (don't they know that nobody has legs long enough to reach that dumb pull out thing?!) I heard the verdict my cheek had been throbbing for.

Sinus infection.

My first ever. Yeah, how did I avoid that all these years? I had enough strep to last me a lifetime, but never a sinus infection. So now I'm drugged and after two days of being a zombie on my feet, breathing with my mouth open, I made it through the craziest day of my week and I'm still going strong. The dude has been laughing at my gasping and wheezing as I climb stairs and try to eat and breath through my mouth between chewing. Don't think he's heartless, I'm the one that points out the humor. He's been keeping me supplied with juice and chocolate. The marks of a good dude.

Winter is not good to my immune system, but at least we are going down in severity and length. Mono, check. Pneumonia, check. And this winter? Sinus infection. Give me antibiotics and decongestant and I'm good. You can't keep this girl down, Mr. Winter Germs! Take that! Ha!

Man, I need to go to bed.
(I will not be held responsible for what the bennadryl made me write.)

And still no word about the funding. Sorry, reader.

Upheaval

The job upheaval continues.  Tomorrow my funding is being discussed.  And today I felt like a terrible employee.  Stretched to the limits.  Not able to plan as well as I would like.  This day has been sort of a downer, but I think most of it is because I have my third cold in as many weeks, I'm stressed out, and I didn't sleep well last night. 

A friend of mine told us at lunch that her son prayed the other night, after all the usual things, "Please, don't let us have soggy food, and please let the sun come up tomorrow."

Maybe my sun will come out tomorrow.